There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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