Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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