What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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