Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The power of my boobs compel you
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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