at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
