I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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