I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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