You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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