Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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