I've blown a few things in my day
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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