Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
