so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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