i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
