i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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