porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
