When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
