Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
