I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
