I'm lost and stupid without you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
