so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
