Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
