That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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