i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
