It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
