I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
