I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
