Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
