you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
