I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
