Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
