Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
