I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
