So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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