Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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