I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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