Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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