I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
