There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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