Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
