So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
