textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
