Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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