I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
