I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
