he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
