What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
