:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
