Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My penis needs a shock collar
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
