i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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