I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
