This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So vagazzling was a success
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
