i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
