Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
