i may or may not be watching the land before time
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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